I was recently commissioned to create graphics for a series of upcoming Antihero boards (for money!), and it occurred to me, “Wow! I’m a professional designer now!” Design has always been something that I’ve enjoyed doing because I love it so much, but I’m also aware that I’m not very good at it so the practice has never graduated beyond the status of “hobby.” Now that I’m in the Big Leagues, though, and I’m a professional skateboard graphic designer, I thought it would benefit me to have a look back at some of my past work and the “amateur designs” that had been rejected in the past by people who obviously didn’t know what they were talking about.
The Chicken Thieves. My friend Tom is in a band called The Chicken Thieves and they’re going on tour with Poison Idea this summer, so he asked me if I could create a new logo for their merch table swag. I made a design using part of the Chic-Fil-A logo. I thought it was kinda funny: they’re stealing the homophobic chicken! Unfortunately the rest of the band didn’t appreciate the humor. One of them (the drummer I understand) said, “It looks like the Chic-Fil-A logo.” Fair enough. So in an attempt to destroy that association, I put a big cock on it. Chic-Fil-A, as we all know, hates cocks. Problem solved. I’m still waiting to hear back from the band.
KR3W. For our friends at KR3W I developed a concept that exposed the inner workings of a fictitious corporate ad agency that had recently been awarded the privilege of directing KR3W’s marketing. It was intended to mock the behaviors of some of our neighbors in the skateboard industry who happen to be more into the industry than the skateboard. Not sure why they never called me back on this one? It’s got tits in it.
The Future. The Future was a magazine and a reality show that we created shortly after the demise of Big Brother, but the entire concept was rejected by The Present. Which is, of course, now The Past. You’ll be surprised to discover, however, that The Future is alive and well, and you’ll appreciate it when you get there. The Future, that is. Just about everyone is homeless, by the way, and the only place to poop is on a wall. (Those aren’t blueberries, they’re flies. Flies have certainly not been rejected in The Future and they’re probably even better represented henceforth.)
You. I made this design for You. I thought it was a pretty good logo for You, it looks just like You, it accurately depicts everything about You, but for some reason You rejected it. Too bad, You just don’t get it.
Welcome to the first issue of King Shit 2015. It’s the interview issue. Which means we interview an exceptional variety of ding dongs, nincompoops, morons, dorks, chumps, twerps, dimwits, peabrains, halfwits, meatballs, and knuckle dragging dum-dum stupid heads that all have one thing in common: they’re yearning for your approval and acceptance. Please don’t reject them.