All This 900

“Dude shut the Fuuk Up Tony ... You Stole The 900 From Tas.... That should had been his Moment!!... I'll always have respect for you and the Skateboarding you have done, but Straight up I will never Look At You The Same Man...”

—@skateboardingdragon on Instagram

From myarticle on the controversy surrounding the 900 segment in All This Mayhem. Read the full article here.

 

"The Taal Of The Taube" Antihero Board Collection

I’m very excited to announce the release of “The Taal Of The Taube” series of boards from Antihero—so excited that I kind of tinkled in my pants a little bit when the box arrived. I am honored to have been given the opportunity to create the artwork for the six boards in this collection. No dachshunds here, just pigeons.

A note on the title, “The Taal Of The Taube,” since a couple people have asked what it means:

Taal (Dutch) = language.

Taube (German) = pigeon.

Taub (German) = deaf.

“A Tale Of A Tub” = Jonathan Swift.

I have no idea what any of that means, but it sounded cool at the time. “The Taal Of The Taube” collection is now available at fine skate shops worldwide. Woo. —Dave Carnie

 

That One Time I Rode A Hoverboard With Tony Hawk

This video went up in late 2014. Enjoy, but you should also read the story that accompanied it, here. Because there's a slight possibility that you might come away from the video with at least some of the same confusing ideas that the 11 million delightfully impatient and ignorant people who commented on the video on YouTube had. “Why waste time inventing this useless piece of shit?” Da Jeezy wrote. And, “This is a piece of crap,” wrote Lunch Time With Nerds, “it only has a 15 minute life span and you need a special metal floors this is not the the hoverboard in back to the future or any other sifi movie for that matter not to mention its like 10000 dollars this is not what i want or people want.” And, my favorite, from Cookie Dolphin, “African kids could’ve eaten that bearded man.” I think that last one is referring to me? Nice one Cookie Dolphin. Anyway, based on these wonderful comments, and more, it appears that the majority of people who watch this video come away either thinking a). it’s hoax, or b). it’s real, but totally stupid. I wonder how they would have received the first, brick-sized cell phones? Again, I recommend reading the article.

King Shit Intro: "Rejected"

I was recently commissioned to create graphics for a series of upcoming Antihero boards (for money!), and it occurred to me, “Wow! I’m a professional designer now!” Design has always been something that I’ve enjoyed doing because I love it so much, but I’m also aware that I’m not very good at it so the practice has never graduated beyond the status of “hobby.” Now that I’m in the Big Leagues, though, and I’m a professional skateboard graphic designer, I thought it would benefit me to have a look back at some of my past work and the “amateur designs” that had been rejected in the past by people who obviously didn’t know what they were talking about.

The Chicken Thieves. My friend Tom is in a band called The Chicken Thieves and they’re going on tour with Poison Idea this summer, so he asked me if I could create a new logo for their merch table swag. I made a design using part of the Chic-Fil-A logo. I thought it was kinda funny: they’re stealing the homophobic chicken! Unfortunately the rest of the band didn’t appreciate the humor. One of them (the drummer I understand) said, “It looks like the Chic-Fil-A logo.” Fair enough. So in an attempt to destroy that association, I put a big cock on it. Chic-Fil-A, as we all know, hates cocks. Problem solved. I’m still waiting to hear back from the band.

 

KR3W. For our friends at KR3W I developed a concept that exposed the inner workings of a fictitious corporate ad agency that had recently been awarded the privilege of directing KR3W’s marketing. It was intended to mock the behaviors of some of our neighbors in the skateboard industry who happen to be more into the industry than the skateboard. Not sure why they never called me back on this one? It’s got tits in it.

 

The Future. The Future was a magazine and a reality show that we created shortly after the demise of Big Brother, but the entire concept was rejected by The Present. Which is, of course, now The Past. You’ll be surprised to discover, however, that The Future is alive and well, and you’ll appreciate it when you get there. The Future, that is. Just about everyone is homeless, by the way, and the only place to poop is on a wall. (Those aren’t blueberries, they’re flies. Flies have certainly not been rejected in The Future and they’re probably even better represented henceforth.)

 

You. I made this design for You. I thought it was a pretty good logo for You, it looks just like You, it accurately depicts everything about You, but for some reason You rejected it. Too bad, You just don’t get it.

 

Welcome to the first issue of King Shit 2015. It’s the interview issue. Which means we interview an exceptional variety of ding dongs, nincompoops, morons, dorks, chumps, twerps, dimwits, peabrains, halfwits, meatballs, and knuckle dragging dum-dum stupid heads that all have one thing in common: they’re yearning for your approval and acceptance. Please don’t reject them.

Monster Children "Plonk"

I have a page in every issue of Monster Children dedicated to wine. It’s called “Plonk.” Which is such a lovely word. I think credit for the title belongs to the editor, Jason Crombie? Here is Jason’s description of Plonk:

“When we asked Dave Carnie if he’d like to write a column about wine he said, yes, thank you, I would like to write a column about wine very much. Then he just wrote whatever he wanted, making sure to insert the word ‘wine’ somewhere.”

To my credit, sometimes it is about wine. But not very often. The most recent installment, for instance, is very much in keeping with Jason’s description. You can read it here. And, unlike the printed version, this one has pictures.